It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but from a child perspective, it may not be, at least not all the time.

Like other special times in the year such as Halloween or Easter, these holidays are intended for children and families to enjoy together. But every year people feel extra pressure to meet the expectations presented in holiday movies or TV shows or that picture perfect social media post. As in with adults, there are many reasons why the holidays can be extra stressful for children and adolescents. Let’s look at some of them and a few suggestions on how to help your children cope:

Traveling

More families must travel long distances to meet during the holidays. This can be very stressful for children and adolescents, especially small children, anxious children or adolescents or those with special needs, grieving or separated from loved ones. Long car rides or lines at the airport can trigger emotional responses or behaviors difficult to manage in the moment. Rather than react judgmentally and instantly, allowing children to verbalize their thoughts and feelings for a few minutes while you keep a neutral but attentive attitude. This may help them decompress and prevent an escalation.

Plan for extra time to allow for breaks while traveling can be the key to help kids maintain calm. During the breaks find places where kids can run or play outside or in an indoor designated area. This applies not only to car rides but when at the airport, bus terminal or train station.

While in transit, children can be entertained with their favorite activity. If possible, bring several options for activities for the children to choose and don’t forget to ask them for their opinion on what to bring, this can be an opportunity to make it more exciting for the children if they are participant in the family plans. Consider allowing them extra time for playing, viewing or listening on their electronics if necessary for these travels. New activities can help with moments of boredom, pack that book you have been trying your child to read, this may be the time they finally get into it.

Plan for snacks and meal breaks as well, and bring your own, especially if you are on a budget, meals at terminals can be more expensive than expected, and this can cause tensions between parents and children. When you pack your own you can prevent kids from getting too hungry or dehydrated as this could make them more vulnerable for extreme emotional responses. For older children, have a prior conversation to set limits on what they can spend and come to a consensus with them ahead of the trip.

Visiting

There can be a few ways to minimize the stress of visiting relatives. Knowing your child makes it for more realistic and effective planning. Some children can cope well with extended visits while others can only tolerate visiting over night or just for dinner. Plan accordingly and allow yourself to gently discuss with relatives ahead of time how long you are planning to stay, trying to meet every one’s physical and emotional needs. This discussion can include making plans to visit in the future when it is less crowded in the house or in another less stressful time of the year.

Hosts can ask if there are any especial behavioral needs regarding the visiting children that they can accommodate as normally as they would ask for any special diet needs or food allergies.

Bring your own activities for the children, even if the host’s plans are a little different. Prepare your children to share but don’t force them to interact if they are not ready. Be mindful of their emotions and check with them from time to time regarding how they are feeling. Be prepared to give extra time for children to warm-up to others.

Manage your own expectations

No human is perfect, even the most tempered child can have a “not so good day” and that is ok. Explore what can trigger your child in anticipation and discuss with them possible things or skills that can help them soothe, distract or tolerate and make a plan with the adults involved so that they can help manage the children and enjoy the visit the best they can. Managing expectations regarding giving and receiving gifts can also help reduce the stress. Children may respond better if everyone gathered for the Holiday understands that the most important thing is the time they spend with relatives and friends, not what is under the tree.

Sometimes the stress if greater for the hosting children or adolescents who may be anxious about hosting or entertaining others. Be appreciative of their efforts and acknowledge how important it may be for them, like when they must give their space or bed for visitors to stay over and tell them you are thankful.

Plan time to rest

If possible, plan to get to the destination one day ahead of the Holiday or the special occasion to give children time to relax, play and prepare. After the Holidays give yourself down time and allow your children to rest as well.

Holidays do not have to be perfect nor magical, yet we can try find those magical moments together and make those traditions and happier memories last.

Dr. Sandra Gomez-Luna is the founder and president of The Family and Recovery Center of Fairfield County, a private practice with offices in Darien, Connecticut and New York City.

Tel: 203.290.2424
Email: contact@drsandragomez-luna.com